Eight Mental Abuse Tactics Narcissists Use on Spouses | The Exhausted Woman: If you have clients who are intentionally exploited by their spouses; endure regular insults and rejection, alternating with affirmation; and feel manipulated into doing or saying something out of character, then they might be experiencing abuse. Abuse is not just physical. There are many other forms of abuse, such as sexual, financial, emotional, mental, and verbal. While some of the other forms of abuse are obvious, mental abuse by a narcissist can be difficult to spot. It starts simply with a casual comment about anything: color of the wall, dishes in the sink, or the car needing maintenance. The remark is taken out of context by the narcissist to mean that their spouse disapproves of them in some way. She tries to explain that wasn’t her intention, but they are off on a tirade, which ends in your client feeling like she is losing her mind. How did this happen? Here are several favorite narcissistic mental abuse tactics: Rage – This is an intense, furious anger that comes out of
How did this happen? Here are several favorite narcissistic mental abuse tactics:
Rage – This is an intense, furious anger that comes out of nowhere, usually over nothing (remember the wire hanger scene from the movie “Mommie Dearest”). It startles and shocks the victim into compliance or silence.
Gaslighting – Narcissistic mental abusers lie about the past, making their victim doubt her memory, perception, and sanity. They claim and give evidence of her past wrong behavior further causing doubt. She might even begin to question what she said a minute ago.
The Stare – This is an intense stare with no feeling behind it. It is designed to scare a victim into submission, and is frequently mixed with the silent treatment.
Silent Treatment – Narcissists punish by ignoring. Then they lets their victim “off the hook” by demanding an apology even though she isn’t to blame. This is to modify her behavior. They also have a history of cutting others out of their life permanently over small things.
Projection – They dump their issues onto their victim as if she were the one doing it. For instance, narcissistic mental abusers may accuse their spouse of lying when they have lied. Or they make her feel guilty when he is really guilty. This creates confusion.
Twisting – When narcissistic spouses are confronted, they will twist it around to blame their victims for their actions. They will not accept responsibility for their behavior and insist that their victim apologize to them.
Manipulation – A favorite manipulation tactic is for the narcissist to make their spouse fear the worst, such as abandonment, infidelity, or rejection. Then they refute it and ask her for something she normally would reply with “No.” This is a control tactic to get her to agree to do something she wouldn’t.
Victim Card – When all else fails, the narcissist resorts to playing the victim card. This is designed to gain sympathy and further control behavior.
You can teach your clients to memorize these maneuvers, remain silent when they are being used, and end the conversation as soon as possible. This will keep them from being a victim of mental abuse.
Note: This article is written about a narcisstic husband married to a woman but the reverse is also equally valid.
Monday, December 26, 2016
Friday, December 23, 2016
Real Men
Porn requires no work, no sacrifice, and no maturity. Real sex in marriage requires you to risk, to be vulnerable, to give yourself fully to another person.
This kind of intimacy is not for boys. It’s for men only.
This kind of intimacy is not for boys. It’s for men only.
Saturday, December 17, 2016
Friday, December 16, 2016
Saturday, December 3, 2016
Lovefraud
10 things sociopaths want (besides money)
A Lovefraud reader recently asked the following question:
If the sociopath is not in it for money (he pays for everything with no access to my accounts) then what are other reasons to stay in a relationship if he doesn’t live with me nor do we share anything financially? Many of the posts I have read involve financial fraud.
If a sociopath has targeted you, it’s because you have something that he or she wants. Often it’s money, but not always. Here are 10 more things that the sociopath may want:
1. Sex
Sociopaths crave stimulation, and sex is highly stimulating, so they pursue it. However, sociopaths are not slaves to their physical urges. They often use sex primarily as a tool of manipulation to get something else that they want.
2. Services
Sociopaths may want you to do something for them that they don’t want to do for themselves, such as cooking, cleaning and taking care of children.
3. Housing
Even if sociopaths don’t directly ask for money, they may suggest living together. They may say it’s because they love you, when, in fact, they have no place to go.
4. Entertainment
Perhaps you’re part of an exciting social scene. The sociopath may want to be with you just to gain access to the people you know.
5. Status
Hanging out with you may be good for their image, especially if you’re rich, famous, successful or competent. Your status boosts their status.
6. Image
Perhaps the sociopath needs a partner like you to complete the image that he or she wants to present to the company or community.
7. Cover
Your presence may help them get away with a hidden agenda. You may be providing cover for the sociopath to pursue a double life of sex, drugs or crime.
8. Connections
Sociopaths may use you, your skills and your connections in order to pursue their grandiose dreams or entrepreneurial plans.
9. Duping delight
Sociopaths enjoy getting over on people—this is called “duping delight.” They often manipulate, deceive and use people just for the fun of it. Some will seduce targets just so they can break their hearts.
10. Domination
Sociopaths feed on power and control, so they sometimes pursue domination for its own sake. They want to prove themselves more powerful than you, perhaps even powerful enough to destroy you.
If a sociopath targets you, it’s because he or she sees you as useful in some way. Once you are no longer useful, you’ll be dumped.
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